Dear Relatable Queen,
I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly 7 years. We have two beautiful children and own a house together, but he still hasn’t popped the question. We have spoken about it in the past so he knows I want to get married, however there have been no signs of it happening any time soon. I am starting to feel very insecure in our relationship and getting very emotional when everyone around me keep getting engaged and it has created a few arguments as I know I am emotional. Is there anything I can do?
Babes! Firstly, let me tell you, I feel you! My husband didn’t propose to me until our 7-year anniversary and I was fully ready to walk down the aisle years before this. We also spoke about it a lot, so it was established that we both wanted marriage by year 6 it became an issue for me too. You are not alone.
It is a concern I hear from women a lot, because we are generally ready to commit a lot sooner than men. However, I sympathise with your added frustration as there is already so much commitment that it begs the question ‘Why not marriage?’.
I can’t explain it, but after to speaking to my husband and a lot of my friends’ husbands I have concluded it isn’t the commitment to spending eternity with you, it is more than likely the WEDDING that is putting him off. My husband specifically admitted that the thought of going through with a wedding, spending all that money and then standing up in front of all those people genuinely made him anxious and this was a common thread with many of the men I spoke with.
This obviously doesn’t fix the issue that you want things to move up quicker, BUT I hope it may assist with the insecurity you are feeling in your relationship and reassure you that he isn’t doubting you, but simply focussing on the wedding fanfare that so many men dread.
Personally, I got through this period by focussing on the love that we clearly had for each other. I trusted him and believed him when he said ‘one day’. So I patiently waited for him to be ready and when it happened it felt right as I knew he was fully ready and in it with me.
In terms of action – I know you say you have discussed marriage but there is no harm in being a little less subtle in expressing your impatience! I mean 7 years in you should be comfortable enough so simply ask the question – ‘what you waiting for mate?’
Don’t expect him to pop the question right then and there but at least he will be made aware of your frustration. Honestly, your scenario is also different as your have kids and a mortgage so you may also be able to have a frank conversation about what kind of wedding you want, and whether you can afford it which is something you need to decide as a unit regardless.
As a note to end on, marriage isn’t everything. I am very traditional and always wanted to get married so I totally get where you aggravation comes from but until it happens practise gratitude. You are in a stable and happy relationship, with two children and a home. These are all huge milestones in life that you have successfully achieved, focus on these positives and before you know it everything else will fall into place!
I hope this helps