Dear Relatable Queen,
My boyfriend follows loads of Instagram model accounts, a majority of which post half naked pictures and likes them all. Even when were out and about he will stare and comment on other women right in front of me. I’ve told him how I feel yet he says to me stop being childish and that he loves me. I want to believe him but it drives me crazy? Am I wrong or should I be worried?
Thank you so much for you message Queen, and I am very happy to weigh in on this.
I have had this debate so many times with friends (male and female) and generally I do not think that following A FEW Instagram hotties is a cause for concern, but in your case I think it may be a red flag.
Let me first speak from experience on why this isn’t always a problem. I am happily married now for 3 and half years, and my husband has, and still does, follow a handful of sexy female celebrities and the occasional random Instagram ‘model’ on Insta and likes their pictures from time to time. Now I have no issue with this for 3 reasons:
- I feel 100% secure in our relationship and the fact that he loves me and finds me attractive, so, him looking at or appreciating another women’s beauty does not diminish this. He regularly tells me how beautiful and sexy I am and our sex life is bomb – so I know I have nothing to worry about.
- Liking pictures really means NOTHING! I mean sometimes I like things on Insta without even paying much attention and I know he does the same. If he was sending DM’s and trying to open a dialogue, we would have an issue – but simply liking of pictures is harmless.
- I follow and like plenty of hot men on Insta (I think I have like every picture posted by Anthony Joshua in the past 2 years) so I can’t say shit!
However, the reason would raise concern for you is because your boyfriend doesn’t seem concerned that you are upset. In a mature, committed relationship you should feel secure, loved and confident and if you don’t, he should be making changes to make sure you do. If you explain that you are not comfortable with it then he should stop without a further thought. If it is just harmless and means nothing to him then unfollowing shouldn’t be an issue.
My bigger concern, however, is the staring and commenting on women when you are out and about. This shows that he has little respect for you as his girlfriend. Like I said, liking a picture on instagram is harmless, it means nothing and it is not shoved into your face to make you react. However, making comments on other’s women in front or you, and staring is disrespectful, rude and kind of creepy. He knows you will see, or he simply doesnt care. Red Flag.
I hate to be brutally honest but my advise to you is to move on. All of us (men and women) deserve to be treated like a Queen / King. We deserve to feel loved and special when in a relationship and he is actively going out of his way to make you feel small and inadequate. I am not saying that he is even aware of what he is doing, but by being so detached from how you may be feeling is unfortunately a sign that he may not care for you as much as he tells you he does.
One quote that I think is relevant here is:
“Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and think of what you deserve” Unknown
I understand that you love him but you need to separate emotion for a moment to take stock of what you are getting form the relationship and remember how you deserve to be treated. If you are not getting what you deserve then you need to move on. I promise you there is someone out there waiting to treat you like a Queen, and while you wait you can work on some self love.
I hope this helps,